chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
