The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
