the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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