I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
