I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
