I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
