No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
