i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
