Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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