He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
