i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Randomize
