i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
