Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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