You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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