Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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