And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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