Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
