Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
