textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
