I cannot find my penis.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
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