apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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