All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
