Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
