But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
