Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
