I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
