i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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