So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Found your dick twin last night
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
