So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
