remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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