did you get engaged???
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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