I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
