I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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