dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My hand turned me down
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
