I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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