Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
