Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
