i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
