i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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