batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
