Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
