I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
