how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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