so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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