I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
