I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
