Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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