My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
