I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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