I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
