U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize