Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
