Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
