So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
