I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
