Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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