Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
