Need sex. Gaining weight.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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