I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
