I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
