it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
