i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
