TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
