She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
