He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
